The True Cost of Perfectionism?

One thing I have noticed recently is just how often the challenge of perfectionism is showing up in my coaching conversations.

Not because clients are telling me they are perfectionists. In fact, most of them wouldn't describe themselves that way at all. Instead, they tell me they feel stuck.

They know something isn't quite working anymore. Perhaps they have outgrown their career. Perhaps they have an idea they would love to pursue. Perhaps they simply know they want something to change, but can't seem to move forward.

What I find interesting is that when we start exploring what is keeping them stuck, perfectionism often appears in places they weren't expecting.

It can look like endlessly researching options before making a decision.

It can look like waiting until you feel more confident.

It can look like telling yourself you'll take action once you've worked everything out.

On the surface, these things seem sensible enough. After all, who wouldn't want to make a well-informed decision?

The difficulty is that for many ADHD adults, the search for certainty can become never-ending, and I wonder if this is where perfectionism can be so deceptive. Because perfectionism isn't always about wanting things to be perfect, sometimes it is about wanting to avoid getting things wrong.

When you've spent years feeling different, receiving criticism (perceived or not perceived), masking your struggles or questioning yourself, it makes complete sense that you might become cautious.

You might want more evidence before making a move. More reassurance that you're making the right choice. What if you make a decision that doesn’t work out?

The challenge, of course, is that life rarely offers us any guarantees.

Particularly when it comes to things like career change, starting a business or creating a different future for yourself. We wait for more clarity before we take action, and sometimes that is a long time coming.

The reality is usually that clarity develops because we take action. We learn through experience and we gather information through doing ‘the thing’. We discover what works by testing things out rather than thinking about them endlessly.

Perhaps that is one of the biggest costs of perfectionism. It can stop us from gathering the very information we need to move forward.

So what can help?

One thing I often encourage clients to do is to make the next step much smaller than they think it needs to be. ADHD brains can become overwhelmed when we focus on the whole journey. The whole career change. The whole business. The whole decision.

Instead, I might ask, "What's the first, smallest step you could take this week that would move you forward?’’ Often it is just about doing one small thing that moves the needle slightly. Not solving the whole challenge.

There is also value in deliberately practising imperfection, this is still a work in progress for me however something I am trying to do more work on this myself in ‘showing up’ in my business. Sometimes that means sending the email when it is good enough. Having the conversation before you've planned every word. Applying for the opportunity before you feel completely ready.

If we are honest, progress rarely looks polished, and by testing this out it shows us that small moments can remind us we can cope with uncertainty. Because the truth is confidence arrives after the action, not before.

One thing I have learned is that meaningful change rarely comes from having the perfect plan. It comes from being willing to take the next step, even when there is still some uncertainty.